ponder Construction

Statement of the Moment #6

2008-05-11T15:02:20Z

Clinton asks supers to commit in private
-Politico.com headline

so first she said it's up to the voters.
then she said it's up to the superdelegates.
now, she's saying it's up to privately pledged superdelegates.

Hillary wins State of Denial Primaries
-grumpy karL

what we do in the office

2008-04-29T10:02:39Z

this video pretty much sums up my summer of 2008. one of the cooler summers of my life.

BWAHEHEHE.

there's something really heartwarmingly nice about already-established people sharing to inexperienced people about their stupidest moments and what we inexperienced people could learn from them.

and it gets better.

and and here's another clip from Once.

Statement of the Moment #3

2008-04-27T14:16:39Z

One of the things that I learned in the school yard was: the folks that are talking tough all the time, they’re not always that tough. If you’re really tough, you’re not always looking to try to start a fight. If you’re really tough, sometimes you just walk away. If you’re really tough, you just save it for when you really need it.

-Barack Obama

often alone but never lonely

2008-04-27T13:57:22Z

my roommates are usually away on the weekends and so i get the room all to myself. reminds me of times when the folks are away and i get the house all to myself. i like it.

i like being alone. yes, it can get all loser-like sometimes but reading a book in some cafe alone can be really really swell. i watch movies alone sometimes. i try out a new food place alone sometimes. i get lost in a new city alone sometimes. i spend sundays alone sometimes.

sometimes, yes, i am forced to spend time alone. say, no one is simply available. especially on sundays when everyone is with family. but most times, it simply is a choice to be alone. an excellent choice at that.

okay.
i sound like i am over-rationalizing, merely sugarcoating such a dreadful lonely lifestyle. i do admit it can get really dull and dreary but what i find interesting is how i catch myself laughing at myself for thinking how the day's suddenly all dull and dreary.

yes, laugh at yourself. sometimes, it is all it takes to save the day.

lisnin to Falling Slowly from Once
sorta readin The Hobbit. thanks rob and steph for your geekiness.
feelin kinda stinky. sunday is no bath day.

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
-Glen Hansard in Once

Statement of the Moment #2

2008-04-22T02:43:40Z

“Being asked tough questions in a debate is nothing like the pressures you face inside the White House,” Clinton said Friday. “In fact, when the going gets tough, you just can’t walk away because we’re going to have some very tough decisions that we have to make. I think we need a president who can take whatever comes your way.”

-CNN Article, April 21, 2008

The Clinton campaign has been complaining recently – more so since she has fallen behind – that the news media is tougher on her than Obama. Clinton also joked, "Maybe we should ask Barack if he's comfortable and needs another pillow.” It's a tactic as old as politics: things aren't going well, blame the media.

-CNN Article, February 26, 2008

did that just happen?

2008-04-07T09:21:51Z

um...

well, apparently it did.

i'm back to my old rationalizing self again, always ready with an excuse at every turn. and it's pretty convenient and laidback and easy and breezy and all.

but it can get less and less interesting. worse, unproductive.
by wednesday, i'm going to have a more regular schedule thanks to this internship and i'm looking forward to being trained again. hooray.

but between now and wednesday, i hope it gets a lot easier to say for sure that it really did happen.

lisnin to 4 Minutes
sorta readin The Wisdom of Crowds, finished with Part 1 and i can't wait to read all of it.
feelin kinda gas-y.

did that just happen?

2008-04-07T09:21:45Z

did that

exchanging glances

2008-04-05T08:54:16Z

i know i'm supposed to make the move
but it would help

if you smiled a little bit longer.

hit and miss

2008-04-03T09:24:42Z

...but alone is alone not alive.
somebody crowd me with love
somebody force me to care
somebody make me come through
I'll always be there
as frightened as you
to help us survive
being alive!

-Being Alive, from Stephen Sondheim's Company

teacher zuri made me sing this song today
and boy did those words hit the mark. dang.

i have important things to do but i'm not doing any of them.
i was walking and walking yesterday, just walking and i took it all in.

but alone is alone not alive.
i should have not gone away just like that. my rose was for you.
don't let my cartoon ruin it for you.

make me alive
make me confused
mock me with praise
let me be used
VARY MY DAYS!

but alone is alone not alive.
and i miss you. may your journalist days be well.

caught up

2008-04-01T16:10:58Z

mikey and pola.
two wonderful people.

we miss reg.
we miss kakki.
we miss vica.
we laughed at vica.

but i had a good time
just catching up
on what pola and mikey are now up to.

and no matter how many tears mikey will have to shed thanks to puns intended
or how many tears of joy i have to shed thanks to pola's stories
or how many tears pola will have to shed thanks to her company secretary's menstrual period

i will be thankful to two of them people
who will not be too conscious
of my inconsistencies.

thank you pola! imelda tour with mikey soon. PLEASE.
lisnin to Through the Fire
sortof readin Sociological Imagination
feelin kinda happy.

letting it be

2008-04-01T15:57:34Z

a friend of mine shared
that after going through something really sad,
you'll never be as happy as you were before.

maybe because you are now a different person
a changed man.

it sounded a lot more sad than that though
when he shared it.

did not quite believe the thought entirely.
until it dawned on me
while jogging on campus

how easy it was to associate any thought, any statement
to a bad memory

then it haunts you
then a rush of emotions
then you just want to stop and take it all in.

then pray to God that
yes, i'll never be as happy
but i better be happier.

now on a much more cheesy note,
here's a really cool video for the graduating seniors of 2008.
good job gali, james and anj!

here's to the haunting.

hello summer

2008-03-29T07:13:33Z

there are days when you don't feel like taking a bath.
today is one of them.

my muscles are still a bit sore after wall climbing with anton and bea last thursday. boy, did i make a sissy out of myself. three times i told myself i couldn't finish climbing wall B and took me a good while to let go so i could finally be lowered. thanks bea, anton--we will climb again, i will not fail you.

new blueREP officers were inducted last night. between rounds of billiards and rounds of good drinks and catching up with people i haven't seen in a while. we're a noisy bunch but its almost always the good noisy kind. toodlidoo

lisnin to No Air
sorta readin The Wisdom of Crowds. i thought it would be best to read it bit by bit.
feelin kinda full.

hello heat
it's been a while
i'd like to say goodbye
but... um, smile. smile.

what crisis?

2008-03-26T13:32:16Z

i have shared before why i now want her out.
what i have failed to share was why you won't see me out in the streets just to remind her that i want her out.

Fr. Huang recently endorsed the Guidelines on the National Situation prepared by the Jesuit Philippine Province Commission on the Social Apostolate.

if you want a soft copy, you may download it here
or if that doesn't work, you may read it here in my blog

if you have survived reading tons of pages of marcel or of the proslogion or of florante at laura, then this 10-page guide should be a no-brainer for you. so please do read it. SERIOUSLY.

i have to admit
that what has been happening to me lately between sleeptime
has no semblance, whatsoever, of a national crisis.

sure, there's the occasional invitation to a meeting about this whistleblower or the curiously-increasing-in-frequency headline about a food crisis (from wheat to rice to corn) or the security officer down here at My Place inquiring whether there are still Team RP "Ang Pilipinas ay hindi isang pamilya lamang." T-shirts

but everyone seems to be having a jolly good time.
even the kid who is selling banana cue so he can play DOTA afterwards.

not that we don't deserve to have a jolly good time.
i'm just bothered with the fact that the first issue i check whenever i go online is always about how Obama will eventually win over Hillary. every other issue is secondary.

even the one about this group calling Cardinal Vidal some name.
is it just me or this "national crisis" has just gotten so disappointingly confusing.

from the whole Spratlys debate between pre-exploratory or exploratory to the fuss about the three questions Neri should not answer. or maybe i'm just reading too many of Conrado de Quiros' articles.

in any case, do read the guidelines.
once you do, i can treat you to coffee then let's talk about it.

P.S.
Fr. Huang's endorsement letter brilliantly ends with: “if some, in conscience, differ with the positions taken here, let that dissent be presented with civility and intelligence, as input for the continuing task of communal discernment towards that which will serve the true good of our country.” right before the Easter greetings, of course.

Isang Libong Tula para sa Dibdib ni Dulce

2008-03-24T07:48:30Z

i didn't really tell anyone i was in a play for a friend's directing class last wednesday.

one, i assumed everyone was on vacation mode.
two, i was making out on stage.

it wasn't awkward or dirty or tasteless, i just didn't feel like inviting anyone to see me make out. even if a few days before the show our blocking was changed, so it wasn't as blunt as it originally was envisioned.

Balot. Tula. Dibdib.
Lallie Bucoy's 10-minute play revolved around these three and i had so much fun doing it. for the first time after exactly one year, i was back on stage. the audience loved it too, and dr. ricky abad, i think.

point is: thank you rayna, diega, niccolo, jay and sandra for the experience.

later, nemo. hi, horton!

2008-03-23T15:58:45Z

boy, do you have to watch this movie!

you may want to wax philosophical all throughout the movie ('cause you won't run out of thoughts to ponder on) or simply have a jolly good time.

so clark lost his phone
so i remind him about celebrating Easter Mass with the Sumilao farmers and Fr. Huang
so we go work on some speech because someone's the valedictorian
so we thought of watching a movie after dinner
so we bumped on Jun and his family at Eastwood
so we think Fool's Gold, Step Up 2, and Supah Papalicious are not worth watching
so we watched Horton Hears a Who!

and boy are we glad we did!
LAUGH TRIP!

Never Ever Lose This

2008-03-23T15:57:36Z

Note to self: Never ever lose this.

like yesterday

2008-03-22T07:15:33Z

i don't know.

i am not sure.
i have no idea.

but unlike yesterday,
i carry with me
much more goodies
much more crap.

which helps me know a little bit more
helps me be a little bit more sure
helps me have a little bit more of an idea

of where to go
of what to do
of who to be

and i could go on and on and on but until i admit to myself that i'm just wasting time figuring out what to do then nothing is going to happen, but more sitting and waiting and eating and sleeping and drinking and pooping and more sleeping.

but i rest thinking there's too many tomorrows.
no, foolishly thinking there's too many tomorrows.
giving up on today.
just like yesterday.

lisnin to Raul Esparza sing Defying Gravity
sorta readin the news
feelin kinda poopy.

A REALLY Happy Easter to the SUMILAO Farmers

2008-03-19T13:33:35Z

YOOHOO!

all their sacrifice and hard work paid off!

SUMILAO FARMERS CELEBRATE
triumph of social justice
this Easter Sunday

March 23, 4pm
San Jose Seminary Covered Court
Ateneo de Manila Campus

Mass with Father Provincial and Ateneo President.

San Miguel Corporation has FINALLY agreed
and the farmers will soon go home
straight to the 144 hectares with
Cardinal Rosales celebrating mass!

HAPHAPHAPPY EASTER!

Martsa Sumilao

2008-03-17T10:04:53Z

Exactly 3 months ago today, on December 17, 2007, PGMA met with the Sumilao farmers who have walked more than 1,700 kilometers from Sumilao to Manila and promised them to return the 144 hectare land to them. The following day, December 18, the Office of the President issued the revocation order that reverted the 144-hectare property to agricultural use. The case did not move since then even as San Miguel Corporation continue to build its patently illegal piggery farm in the contested land.

-from the Press Release of Simbahang Lingkod ng Bayan on Martsa Sumilao (full text here)

the struggle continues.
and the farmers remain true to their word
of not politicizing their cause,
of not calling for anyone's resignation.

they remain struggling even if fewer and fewer ears are willing to hear.
the ears, meanwhile, have more and more soundbites to listen to.

struggling, too,
figuring out which ones to hear more closely
and which ones to take for granted.

but for 144 farmers and more,
it's not between comfort and less comfort, say
a good summer vacation or a good time for volunteer work.

it is between
their basic human dignity
or letting others violate it.

they are not used to forgetting the basics, the bare necessities.
we are used to forgetting that they are not used to forgetting.
especially when their mere basics are at stake.

it doesn't stop

2008-03-12T12:54:13Z

and i'm running out of reasons to start.

holy week is rather early this year.
not that it matters.

i remember watching conan o'brien's reactions
when he found out people from ukraine
were watching his show.

no, i'm not planning to ridicule every country in the world
to see who else reads what i type.

i was just amazed the other day
when the security officer of my place
called My Place
asked me about recent events of my life.
and so i bathed in self-importance for a few minutes.

dear dear. he was very sincere though.
someone called me an ingrate today.
but to mr. security officer, my thanks.

and yes, i will update you
as soon as Team RP prints those yellow shirts again.

lisnin to the beautiful scores of Hans Zimmer
sorta readin some transcript
feelin kinda unproductive.

diary products

2008-03-10T10:49:47Z

there's a time in one's life
when one wonders

how much sorrow does one deserve to bear
how much hatred
how much pain

and for how long.

and it is true, what they say
that it is those who were once dear to you
who could hurt you the most.
all the other arrows stay ineffective and blah.

so while the world worries about matters far greater than their very selves,
i worry about mine.

and be called a gay, indifferent, egotistic freak for it.
all products of a diary you do not want to keep.

lisnin to Les Champs Elysees
sorta readin The Wisdom of Crowds, still. real good book.
feelin kinda teary.

p.s. on a much lighter note,
i was a production assistant yesterday!
for the first time.

thanks mai, sir morny for the invite. had a great time in bataan shooting this music video for a Christian group. staying behind the camera (make that fancy camera with fancy lights) is really really cool.

there's suddenly so many things to say.

blind

2008-03-06T18:43:17Z

so, what do you do now?

almost grabs
the prize as
people's choice question of the year
but only after

how are you?

both really interesting questions to answer.
you pray to God
you have interesting answers as well.

God blesses you with very interesting ones
every now and then.

but to make it all the more interesting,
He showers not-so-interesting ones as well.

if only to remind you of how interesting the other ones are.
pretty convenient.

it just gets really hard to
figure out which is which sometimes.

so you end up resting with the thought that you're leading a pretty interesting life.
the key word here is resting.

and yes,
resting
is my right-here-right-now answer
to those people's choice questions.

lisnin to Batboy music. do catch it!
sortof readin clinton-obama articles
feelin kinda undecided

i've moved

2008-03-01T09:31:33Z

finally.

the last time i've made good use
of a good number of my muscles
was when i marched with the farmers

months ago.

so, thanks sare (and rj hehe)
for the game.
the weather helped too.

fine weather, isn't it
now that we're out of the city, isn't it
-from Ragtime the Musical

to other theater enthusiasts,
i heard that
Dulaang UP's Orosman and Zafira
and
Tanghalang Pilipino's EJ
are must-see musicals.

both fitting for we face yet another "national" crisis.

fine weather moves me.

lisnin to Across the Universe songs
sortof readin The Wisdom of Crowds
feelin kinda tired.

why i now want her out

2008-02-20T08:20:07Z

i know i am not in the best position
to confuse my friends further
with yet another statement on this whole

"national" issue.

i have not had any hell weeks lately
nor have i been moving
heaven and hell
to campaign for an election,
to execute an org project,
to compete in a sporting event,
to perform a piece of art.

but still
there are moments in our shared history
when i am just caught off guard,
when without a doubt i can say to myself

"damn, this guy isn't making stuff up!"

when i can't stay unmoved.

i have made quite a number of statements before.
some were ridiculed to the core,
some were okay-ed,
most were unread

yet i insist on saying this now
at the risk of being called
a flip-flopper
a "former" fence-sitter
a "former" middle-of-the-roader
a "former" fucked-up student leader (i still am).

i insist on saying that
the President of the Philippines
has to go

even if my parents think otherwise
even if most of my fellow Cebuanos think otherwise
even if Noli de Castro is perceived to be fucked up
even if i don't really like the opposition.

it is Absolutely frustrating
to hear a nation of
Eighty-Eight Million
Seven Hundred Thousand
Plus Plus Filipinos
say

"eh, sino ipapalit mo?"

i am still 20 years old
but i know for a fact
that there's a good answer to that question.

to you who are reading this now,
i know you may be going through hell
with whatever it is that is consuming your time
(though i could be wrong and you, dear fellow,
may have lots of time to spare too)

but please say something to someone about
what you think of what is going on.

i wouldn't mind if you would hate me all the more
because of my opinion on this.
i would rather you hate me

because i know you have something interesting
to say about what is going on.

so please do share it.
on MONDAY, FEB 25 2008
4PM at GATE 2.5
ATENEO DE MANILA

is a CONCERT FOR YOU.

i have been called a hypocrite
for saying what i've said
for inviting people to monday's good event

but sometimes,
i still think it pays to be "crippled" or "ousted"
or fucked up.

see YOU, Filipino.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

p.s. i failed to elaborate on
why i now want her out.
but let me tell you this...

one of the last straws on the back
that made me "flip-flop"
were nagging questions about
Benjamin S. Abalos (for more of him, check this old PCIJ link):

WHY ON EARTH
is he dealing with interested suppliers?

HOW did that
become part of his job description?

And that his actions were tolerated
leads to more questions.

good God bless us.

looking back

2007-12-30T20:19:24Z

i know i've made many mistakes in the past.
i still do.

but never have i filled a year with so many.
that year ends today.

and to many of those many mistakes
i still have not paid the price in full.

and though i didn't enjoy classes in finance
i know that the later i pay
the higher the interest.

but i am hopeful, yes i am.

Cuz I’m hopeful, yes I am, hopeful for today,
Take this music and use it
Let it take you away,
And be hopeful, hopeful and He’ll make a way
I know it ain’t easy but that’s okay.
Cuz we hopeful!

lisnin to Twista and Faith Evans because Hope is a wonderful song
and rap music deserves more attention than i've been giving it
sortof readin Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice courtesy of gutenberg.org
feelin kinda hopeful. very seriously.

HAPPY 2008 EVERYONE!
happier times a-waiting